So what do I do?

Now I am more confused than ever. I invited Robert over today cuz neither of us had anything to do and he didn't come by. Now I know this sounds stupid but I am tired of feeling like I am the only one actually trying to make this relationship work. Why can't he just come right out and say that he doesn't want anything to do with me? He can't honestly believe that I would keep Giselle from him. Dickhead is a terrible father and I don't keep the kids from him! So why does Robert think that I would do that to him? (After a long pause...)Oh, right. The money. He thinks I'm gonna screw him over financially. I'm not gonna bother. His wife will do a good job of that. Besides, I'm doing okay without his help. I knew I should've stayed in Lawrence. Maybe I will do it again when taxes come back again. This time I won't let anyone stop me or ask me to come back. Not that Robert will. Dickhead definately will. Maybe I will disconnect my phone right before I go. I don't know. Robert seems like he will be a good dad. I mean, I haven't ever seen him with his kids. He hasn't bothered to try and see them. Maybe that is part of the problem.
And this is all emotionally hard on me cuz on the first of December it will have been a year since I got that fateful phone call saying that he was seeing someone else. I'm a fucking wreck and I know it is no longer post partum. It is totally because of him. Y'know, the other night he asked me why I love him. I was totally honest and said I didn't know why. But I know I do. I don't question my feelings I just go with them. When I asked him the same question he said he couldn't explain it either but he knew he had strong feelings for me and they don't just go away. Well maybe they don't just go away. Maybe they went away when he started to date Gaby last year. Or maybe when he thought he should move her and her daughters in with him. Or maybe when he broke up with me a million times last year to be with her. Part of me wonders why I went back to him. He told me to follow my heart. Maybe I should've followed my head. It was what let me see all the signs. My heart let me ignore them. Man am I an idiot!!!!!