No drama...

which is a great thing! It must have been my friend that was making me irrational. He has another soccer game tonight and I know he'll go to Alex's and hang and today I'm okay with it. Last week I went off the deep end about it. Man, my friend makes me psychotic! But I got to see him and I really missed him even though I had seen him 2 days before. Anyway, I finally got some. It was good. Not earthshattering but satiating. It'd been awhile. It was the first time I had told him I loved him in a while. It's not that I haven't loved him it's just, well, I was waiting to see if he would tell me first. He hadn't said it in a while and I just felt like it. I think that's a really good sign. That I haven't lost it. After two years, that is saying alot for me. Usually after a year or so I get bored and move on. Maybe he is the one for me. He says that I'm settling for him cuz with as many kids as I have I can't have anyone else. Bullshit Papi! When I first met you I could get any guy I wanted and I usually did. Most just didn't measure up to my expectations. Then you came along and just took my breath away. How do guys do that to us? I was having a good time getting my party on with my friends and out of the blue comes this totally amazing guy who seemed too good to be true. Turns out he was too good to be true. Okay, so no one is perfect. It took me alot to forgive him for cheating on me. I still haven't forgotten. Every once in a while I say something about it to him. Or I say things that will provoke what I hope is guilt without "realizing" it. Like mentioning him working late, like I haven't put two and two together. I don't know how people could forget something as heartbreaking as infidelity. I think about it every day and it's been a little over a year since I found out. The worst part of it is that it doesn't take anything to trigger it. I could be sitting watching TV or playing on the computer or even making dinner and I will think about it. So it's not just when it's an unoccupied mind. It's whenever my brain is awake. And that is hard. I read about infidelity in other's blogs and I can relate to the victim. I feel so bad and just want to commiserate, but I usually just move on. I mean, the person already feels bad enough, but I feel that if I say something, it will somehow make them feel worse. It's hard to believe how many of us have been cheated on. What ever happened to "This isn't working. I don't think we should be together." and then the other goes and finds someone. They say you know on the first date if you could spend the rest of your life with someone. Women know in the first 5 minutes if they would sleep with a guy. If it's a no, then don't pursue a relationship. I've been on a million first dates. Most don't work out and I'm honest and just say whether or not (not rudely of course) i had a good time and if I'd like to see the guy again. I guess I was one of the few people that was raised right. How hard is it to break it off with someone you don't want to be with? You always hear "I didn't want to hurt him/her." And cheating is the answer? Dumbass! Be a man/woman! You will get far more respect from a person for honesty. I don't think there is such a thing as too honest. There are tactful ways off telling people hurtful things. It just takes common sense and common courtesy. These are traits you should be instilling in your children, people! But I guess it makes it hard when kids see their favorite stars doing it. And the worst part of the stars is that they don't seem like they are held accountable for they vicious behavior. Look at the whole Brad/Jennifer/Angelina fiasco. He cheated on his wife and no one treats him like it. Now if he were poor white trash announcing it on Jerrry Springer, everyone would treat him like the piece of shit he really is. But because he is famous, we excuse the behavior. Once a cheater always a cheater. And Angelina to me is a homewrecker. I used to love her! I have all of her movies. And then she does something like this. I am firmly on Team Anniston! And about the once a cheater always a cheater, I do firmly believe it. Even though I stayed with Robert I honestly believe that he would cheat on me again. But I love him enough to take that chance one more time. You only get one more chance with me, babe. I have never given anyone else a second chance, so don't blow it. If it isn't working for you, let me know. I'm an adult. I can take it. Just don't be a dick about it and blame me cuz I'm showing you on a daily basis that I'm worth any man's time. You're not the only fish in the sea. You're just the fish that I'm deeply, headoverheels, fireworks in the sky in love with. Yours always, Jen.