What the hell is the matter with him? Or is it me?

I got into a nasty argument with Robert tonight. He asked me how my day went and I told him that I finally got money from Dickhead. But that jerk thought it would be funny to give me my child support in the form of a Walmart card. Any other time it wouldn't be a big deal, hey, money is money right? But I nearly ran out of gas getting there then he hands me the card and says it has 100 bucks on it. I was pissed! How the hell was I supposed to get back home? I was counting on that money so I could look for a job tomorrow! I scraped together a dollar in change and put enough gas in the car to get me home. So now I'm stranded at home, my mother has been on my ass nonstop about money (but she has the money to fly to Florida for the holidays!) and I don't have anyway to get anywhere to get applications! But I digress.
Well, I don't know what exactly started the argument but it ended up he said something shitty about I wouldn't have these problems if I hadn't spread my legs (his crude words!). Okay, let's get something straight asshole! That man was abusive in every conceivable way! He beat me, he hurt me emotionally, he repeatedly raped me. That's why I have 4 sons instead of the two I willing slept with him for! I endured that abuse for years! And you have the nerve to tell me I shouldn't have opened my legs? ASSHOLE!!!!! So I hung up on him. After a few minutes of breathing I called him back and said to him "What gives you the right to judge me?" He apologized but I know he didn't mean it because he has said it before and apologized. Well then I asked him if he ever forced his exwife to do anything she didn't want to do and he said no. Then I asked him if his wife ever forced him to do anything he didn't want to do and he made some smartass comment about how she would make him let her go down on him! I was furious and hung up on him. After another few minutes of breathing I called him back. Voicemail. Same thing the next 4 times I tried to call. So I left him a message that when he is ready to treat me right to call me. I don't expect to ever hear from him again.
Jeez! Why do I put up with this bullshit? I've dumped better guys than him! Why does love have to hurt so much? I thought when love hurt it was cuz someone you cared for was hurt or died or something like that. I always thought that love was the be all, end all to a relationship and everything else would just work itself out when the time was right. Boy what a fool I've been!!! Is love really enough? Apparently not. I have given him everything I have and am dried to the bone and I get no respect at all. But am I being selfish because I expect some respect? I mean, I know true love is selfless, so am I wrong to want respect from him? Good Lord, I gave birth to his child. That in and of itself deserves some sort of respect! I hate this! Even after all the bullshit we've been through I show him respect! He cheated on me and lied to my face about it and I still show him respect! That was how I was brought up. In order to earn respect you have to give respect. Maybe he's just used to taking. Like I have said in every relationship I have ever been in: I will leave with my head held high because I know I have done everything in my power to try and make him happy. If he doesn't think I'm good enough he needs to leave me alone. I know I can make a man happy. Mamita was brought up right. If he doesn't want me then I will find someone who does. I'm a good person and an honest person and I know that I am worthy of respect. Take that!