My turn

I took some advice and told Robert that I couldn't see him tonight because I had other plans. He looked completely shocked and asked what I was doing. I told him I was going to catch up with some friends. I left it at that and he didn't question it. The only people I am catching up with are the blogs I read religeously. But he doesn't need to know that! Make myself less available to him. That was the advice. I will try it and see what happens. He called me a little while ago and I told him I couldn't talk for long but I would call him tomorrow and that I loved him. He was speechless! I like this idea!
Anyway, I was watching "Riding in Cars with Boys" yesterday and I was reminded of my favorite line in that movie and I totally identify with it. Drew Barrymore says to Peter Facinelli "I'm 22 years old and I haven't accepted that this is my life...I wish I wasn't smart so I wouldn't realize it." That is EXACTLY how I feel about my life! I haven't accepted my life. I wish I didn't have to. I have no one to blame but myself for the choices I have made. If I could go back and change things I would in a heartbeat. The question is: would I actually be happy? I guess I will never know. I have to do what I can with what I have. I have to make my own happiness and allow others into my life share it. I think that is how it is supposed to be.