Stuck in Limbo

It seems more like purgatory actually. Stuck between heaven and hell. Still no word. Now I can see the glass as either half full or half empty. Lately it's been half empty because I am depressed. I have left the decision to God because He has a plan for all of us. Maybe His plan for me is to see that I need to stick with my original thinking to never stay with a cheater. Or maybe He will tell me that I need to trust in this man and stop making mountains out of molehills. Whatever His plan is I will respect it. My fingers keep itching to call him. I want to hear his voice but I don't want to scare him away. But at the same time I keep thinking "what if he's waiting for you to call to show you care and that you're sorry (I do need to take some of the blame because I did go off the deep end instead of just talking to him.)". And part of me wonders what happened Saturday night that he hasn't talked to me. If he did meet someone then he'd better end and fast. Cuz like the saying goes "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I just want to be happy Lord. Even if it means he is no longer in my life, I just want some peace. Brandi's "Have You Ever" is back in my head again. I always hear that song when we are fighting. I need some guidance. I need some help. I need...I don't know what I need. I need Robert.