I've just been going on with life.

I don't hear from Robert unless I call him. I don't call so much anymore. He asked me Tuesday if I love him. I told him "with all my heart." I didn't ask him. He would say he loves me. The question is: Is he in love with me? There is a big difference. Call me Cleopatra for I am the Queen of De-Nile. So many scattered thoughts going through my head right now. If I seem to jump from one idea to the next I apologize. Am I afraid of being alone? Maybe a little. But I was alone before he came. Why does he stay? I won't die if he ends it with me. I've been preparing myself for that moment for a long time. He tells me to stop thinking that he's cheating on me. Well give me one good reason why I should. He's acting shady again. This time I am calling him on each and every move he makes. I won't sit by and let him get away with this again. I give him ample opportunities to come clean. Something's going on. I feel it in my heart. One day at a time. That's all I can do.
He came by a few nights ago to help me fix my tire and he asked me if things were okay because I didn't kiss him hello or anything. Then he started asking me all kinds of other things and says to me (Paraphrasing here folks) "This is why I don't know if we should live together." I said to him "Oh please! You don't want anything serious from me. I'm not an ididot. We've been together two years and you have never mentioned anything like that. At least not with me." My comment was met with silence. After all, what could he say? I spoke the truth.
So not much of an update. Haven't found a job. I've been working on a book I started back in '98 the last few days. It's coming along. Writing takes me away from my daily life and lets me feed my need for true love and passion and all that I wish I had. Maybe someday. But I won't hold my breath.