WTF?

So Robert went to play his last night of soccer last night. He said he would call when it was over. No call. Big shock. Not. So he says he need his overnight pass back cuz his friend's car was towed last night. This is the same friend who's wife freaks out if her husband isn't within 5 feet of her at all times. I told him straight up I don't believe him. I am no longer afraid of telling him that. For a long time I was because I didn't want to upset the apple cart. Now I just want the truth. So today he comes over and we go to Old Country Buffet cuz he's starving (apparently his other girlfriend didn't cook for him before she left!). And he's kinda acting all loveydovey and shit. I'm not buying it. He's trying to hard. Okay, I admit it that I'm freaking psycho. He's either cheating cuz he's not loveydovey or he's cheating cuz he's too loveydovey. Girls understand this better than guys. Guys don't understand that we know when there is a difference in their affection. Why do you think the only time girls really ever get caught is when it's redhanded with another guy? Cuz guys don't have that little whatever it is in the back of their head goin' "Okay, something's not right." Girls go with their gut and are probably 85% right. I don't want to be right. And another thing is that his phone was off. Another big sign. I think I am staying with him so I can actually catch him and say "I told you so!" and be the poor cheated on exgirlfriend. Man I must be a fucking idiot.
I really don't know what to do. I love him. I hate the fact that I love him. If it were less the I could just let him go and not think twice about it. I have only been dumped twice in my life. Both in my freshman year in high school. Every other guy I have ever dated I dumped because either I was bored or someone better came along. So why am I afraid to end it with Robert? It's not because we have a child together. I dumped Asshole and we have four kids togeteher. I'm not afraid of being alone. I've been alone before. So what the hell is? Is it that I feel that I'm not getting any younger? Is it because I know I have five kids and no guy wants to deal with that? I don't think it's any of those things because I have found men with those things (Except it was four kids). I don't know. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Anyway, debating whether I want to go see him tonight. We told each other we would try to spend more time with each other. Can't wait to see what his excuses are for not seeing me Fridays now that soccer is over. I think "Jonas" is gonna become a really close friend to him that he hangs out alot with. We'll see.